


Swagger Walk, Booty Talk

by unit_q



Category: Day6 (Band), TWICE (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: An AU within an AU, Anime, Here There Be Pirates, Inception - Freeform, M/M, Shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-05
Updated: 2016-01-05
Packaged: 2018-05-11 20:31:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5640955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unit_q/pseuds/unit_q
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Freshman year is like March.  It comes in like a lion and the God of war.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Triplets

**Author's Note:**

  * For [director_x](https://archiveofourown.org/users/director_x/gifts).



> Warnings: Pirates, Alternate realities that exist in the enigma Kim Taehyung, Shenanigans.
> 
> To Director X: **heart emoji**

_ Seagulls fly over the sea. Bagels go in your toaster. Bodies rest in coffins. But do they belong there? _

 

ø

  
Today, Jeongguk moves into his dorm. As a freshman, this is an intimidating experience. He has two roommates; two sophomores. One of them is shorter than him, but cute in disposition. The other is as tall as him, but weird. Like, talks like a pirate weird.

Jeongguk has never been to college before aside from touring and an interview. For the most part, it's not bad. He's met his mentor, a Junior, named Namjoon. Namjoon is a double major in Music and International Relations with a minor in Women’s Studies. The most important piece of advice from him so far had been: _”do not go to the frats in the first week. They will eat you alive.”_

"He's right," Jimin, the shorter nice roommate says with a smile. "They're hard core. The first week is always the week they get back and have their first parties and settle in. One of the houses had a fire and they had to rebuild it during the whole school year. It was a total mess and half the pledges were kicked out for violation of principals or something. My friend Yoongi had one of the guys live on his floor for, like, three months before housing did something about it."

"There be no shame in takin' a space that be offered," Taehyung says, peering from the bed with a slight squint.

“Right,” says Jeongguk. Jimin doesn’t make much of Taehyung’s behavior. Best just follow along. No threat has been detected yet.

“Have you thought of joining any clubs yet?” Jimin asks, unpacking socks.

“No.”

“The event’s fair is tomorrow. A friend of mine runs one of the booths and I’m helping out for the dance team to get sign ups,” Jimin explains.

“Okay,” Jeongguk answers, dropping his backpack by his bed. Taehyung hasn’t stopped staring at him. It makes it a little awkward to climb into the top bunk, but he manages.

 

ø

  
_ Rock, paper, scissors. Hear no evil, speak no evil, see no evil. Life, death, rebirth. Three is a prime number. _

 

™

  
Two weeks ago, Jimin was at home. Now, he’s on campus. Two weeks ago, Jimin had been struggling to wake up his younger brother, standing over his bed with a flip flop, threatening Albus Dumbledor abuse levels.

Now, he has a new roommate. A freshman. His name is Jeongguk.

Jeongguk is not much like his brother, mostly in that he’s not related to Jimin and has an anime collection instead of a secret stash of porn. Jeongguk also is about as expression on first impression as a table, unlike Jimin’s brother who is defined on all accounts as ‘adorable.’

Yet, Jeongguk reminds Jimin of his brother.

It’s probably homesickness.

Two weeks ago, Jimin had still needed to do laundry and was on the phone with Taehyung.

“I know what I’m doing for my oceanography and sociology research project,” Taehyung had told him.

“What is it?” Jimin had asked.

“You’ll see, I’m preparing it right now.” Taehyung had been eating. It was three in the morning.

It’s been three days on campus and Jimin isn’t sure if Taehyung has been in his research project since he called Jimin or not. All he knows for sure is that he’s not ‘Jimin’ anymore.

He’s ‘Jim Jimmy Jim Jim Jim’. In short, Jimin had thought Sophomore year would be easier to deal with that Freshman year, especially now that Kunpimook lives with Jackson.

Jimin might be wrong.

 

™

  
_ Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Unless the beholder has no eyes. Be careful with your idioms._

 

Ω

  
It’s been days since he took to shore. The days have been rough, with no sight of release back to the sea, the folk here all strange and with foreign customs. Since landing, he’s managed to steal into the hovel of a young man and his child, both of whom don’t seem to mind him squatting while he waits out for a crew.

It’s hard though, most of the human ruffage here hardly worth their salt. They all wear snapbacks and can’t dress properly, all of them in shoes.

It’s disgusting and he’s ashamed, up late into the night with his first mate, planning out their next pillage.

It’ll be a good one. He’s been looking for this one for years. A real bounty.

“Bounty,” says his first mate, grinning. “Or _booty_.”

“Aye, you be right,” Taehyung agrees, growling from the depths of his salty soul. “It be a booty we be hakin’ fer.”

“Avast!” cheers his first mate, and produces a plastic flask of rum. “Apple juice?”

“Why is the rum always gone?” he grumbles, but consents. It’s hard times, these days.

The doldrums were always a sailor’s bane, regardless of their occupation and stature – legal or a man of the code.  
“How’s the frosh roomie?”

“The cabin boy?” Taehyung asks. “He be justified in his post. Keeps to the crow’s nest. I reckon he’s still gettin’ his sea legs under him.”

“Are you being nice?”

“I feed the lad!” Taehyung says, sitting up against the rigging. “That should about do it as far as handling for a young lad and I’ll not have anyone be questioning my judgment aboard this ship.”

“Aye, captain,” laughs his first mate. “Can I have my apple juice back?"

“I’ve commandeered it, as befits a man of my profession,” Taehyung says simply, defiantly, cordially, and takes a swig of his swag.  



	2. Vices, Devices, Semantics

_Gravity pulls the physical down. Time pushes the conceptual up. Lower and Higher, the middle falls in a place that doesn’t exist. What was the question?_

 

ø

  
On the second week of school, Jeongguk wakes up to no socks. There are also more clothes than he has ever seen. Everywhere.

In the first week, Jeongguk found his classes and spent time with a few of the people in his orientation group. In his year, he’s friends with four people: Yugyeom, Juhyun, Momo, and Tzuyu. They’re all interesting people, for the most part, and most of them into athletics.

The end of the week arrives with Jimin, Jeongguk’s dubbed ‘sane’ roommate ensuring he went to the activities fair. He’d left him once he got there and realized Jeongguk had friends. The smile had been oddly familiar, like Jimin was mentoring him beyond just being his roommate.

It’s a bit nice.

“Any clubs you into?” Yugyeom asks, sucking on a candy one of the clubs had handed out. Momo and Tzuyu are head of them, wandering through towards the athletics.

Jeongguk hasn’t seen Taehyung since that morning. His roommate had been asleep when Jeongguk left for his morning class, and was missing when Jeongguk returned.

This is fine. Taehyung apparently is a pirate, or is pretending he’s a pirate. Jeongguk gets the impression this is rehearsal hazing in case he wants to join a frat later.

“Not sure,” Jeongguk answers. In the front area, Jimin is wandering around. He looks happy when he sees Jeongguk, so Jeongguk doesn’t run when Jimin walks over smiling.

“See any clubs you want to join?”

Jeongguk shrugs, Yugyeom wandering off to follow Momo and Tzuyu near the modern dance table. Jimin’s eyes follow them.

“If you guys are interested in dance, you should join our club actually,” Jimin explains.

Jeongguk used to dance in school. He shrugs again.

“It’ll be fun!”

Shrug.

Shrugs apparently mean yes. Jeongguk didn’t think they meant anything.

 

ø

  
_Infants think in logarithms. Bees dance to talk to each other. Wolves are pack animals. Homo sapiens sapiens had to evolve three times to get their name right._

™

  
When Jimin was in primary and secondary school, he did dance as his extracurricular activity. During that time, he focused on contemporary and ballet. They called him thunder thighs in the locker room and ‘oompa loompa’ in the halls. Jimin learned about bullying and practiced under the mentors of Martin Luther King Jr. and William Blake.

It ended in a major in early childhood development, defined abdominal muscles, and a roommate that was his best friend and biggest mystery.

Currently, in the thrawl of students, Jimin has seen Taehyung exactly nineteen times. At each booth he manages to steal one object, look around, grin to himself, and slip back into the crowds.

All of the items- correction: most of the items- are complimentary.

Taehyung is stealing the things like the ipod stands for the booths that play music, and the bowls the candies are set out in. Jimin thinks he’s putting the things in his pockets, but he can’t be sure. The last he saw Taehyung earlier today, he was wearing tights.

On the opposite spectrum, Jeongguk has made friends. It’s wonderful. Despite making friends, he also looks lost. Call Jimin biased or projecting, but he’d seen Jeongguk move along to the music he listens to in the dorm room on his phone. Jimin also knows their dance team is short six members, and Lia that morning had threatened to make them all twerk in the showcase if they didn’t get the numbers up.

Jeongguk is only slightly resistant.

“You should join the dance team!” With a flourish, he shows off the dance table to Jeongguk. “It’s great, we have a lot of fun and it’s awesome exercise.”

“You got one?” asks the team vice captain, looking up at Jimin and Jeongguk. Jimin has known Hoseok since he was a freshman and joined the dance team. Hoseok is good people. Loud, intense, strict, work-a-holic, but good people.

Jimin realized later that being friends with Namjoon equated ‘work-a-holic’. Initially, Jimin didn’t realize he fell in that category.

Then dance team and the vocal department happened.

“This is Jeongguk, my roomie,” Jimin explains, an arm around Jeongguk. “Jeongguk, this is Hoseok. He’s the vice captain because our captains are often out for competitions.”

“They’re state champions for contests,” Hoseok explains, smiling up at Jeongguk in a friendly manner. “We produce excellence. You up for the challenge?” He grins wider, bits his lip flirtatiously (as Hoseok does), and wags his eyebrows.

Jeongguk’s expression darkens, lower lip pushing out almost defiantly. He jerks his chin and blinks with purpose. “Okay.”

There is a rewarding thumbs up from Hoseok as Jeongguk signs up on the email list. Success.

 

™

  
_People look up to the sky for answers, crying to the heavens for help. The heaven’s don’t answer. There s no sound in space._

Ω

  
It’s been hours and no one has noticed. It’s a sad sight to be reduced to petty thievery to get through the day, yet desperate times call for desperate measures.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, and Taehyung was not about to let the system and the antiquated views of a gentleman’s society hold him custody. He’d given that life up long ago, when he’d jumped ship and become a scallywag.

To be fair, the true role behind this life isn’t thievery, it’s freedom. Complete freedom from the taxes and oppression and control over his life and his future. It is his world, and he shall make it as thus.

Catch him if they can, clap him in irons if they wish, they’ll never find his treasure.

It’s been slow, finding the trinkets and slowly accumulating a pretty booty hidden where only he knows the location. Yet there is always a risk, a chance of being caught.

“Taehyung.”

Blast, the cabin boy has found him.

“Aye! What service can I be to ye?”

“What are you doing?”

Staring down at his hands, currently holding some pilfered swag from the wench with the pastries in this small bustling market place, he frowns. He didn’t remember grabbing _two_. Ah, nothing wrong with sating his hunger.

“Participating as an active member of society in my own fit manner as I see it to contribute,” Taehyung answers. “And ye? Any fancies that might have caught yer wandering eye? Young as ye may be.”

“I just signed up for dance,” the cabin boy says, squinting at him. Insolent brat. Taehyung likes that in a young pirate. It’ll be good to foster and grow within him, like the fermentation of a good rum aged in proper casks. “With Jimin. What clubs are you in?”

“Arr, the skull and bones, o’ course!”

The cabin boy frowns, a most unfitting expression on his face. “I’m pretty sure that’s not a club, but a weird ass cult frat that-“

“Aye, you be right,” Taehyung leans in, slinging an arm around his cabin boy’s shoulder. Reaching around to carefully tease into his pocket, he finds a stash of what feels like sweets.

Ah, youth.

“Then what-“

“Never you mind! Off with you! To scrub the decks and make yerself scarce!”

For a moment, his cabin boy almost looks about to tell him off, but then he shrugs, and says, “aye aye.”

“Captain,” Taehyung corrects with a growl. “I don’t wear this hat for fashion purposes.”

“You’re not wearing a hat.”

“And ye can take yer sass and bury that as well!” Taehyung calls as his cabin boy shakes his head, disappearing into the market swell.

And forbid it to be said, but Taehyung might just be growing fond of his little sailing brat.


	3. Inception

_A comrade in arms.  A babe in arms.  A coat of arms.  Are you an octopus?_

  


ø

  
What Jeongguk learns first is that dance team is for real. They don’t mess around. Lia and Bongyoung are intense. They also are incredibly good. Every day, Jeongguk comes back from practice dripping in sweat with Jimin and being asked about his classes, if he ate, and being praised.

Jeongguk likes the praise. It, by default, makes him like Jimin. As it turns out, Jimin isn’t half bad, and Jeongguk doesn’t mind him.

Jimin also seems to really like Jeongguk. This is evident in how he’s very often bringing Jeongguk to hang out with his friends as they do their work.

This is how Jeongguk meets Namjoon.

“Who is this?” Namjoon asks. No smiles, just blond hair, glasses, and academic skepticism.

“Jeongguk,” Jimin explains in that introduction. “He’s the roommate I was telling you about.”

“Oh, so this is your new younger brother,” a young woman says. Older than Jeongguk. He’s seen her in the art studios when he visits Tzuyu and teases her. Tzuyu and Momo had also joined dance, along with Yugyeom. Junhong had joined a street dance crew and is working with the school DJ association.

Jeongguk won’t say he’s intimidated. Aloud.

“You make it sound like I’m replacing my actual younger brother,” Jimin says, pouting.

“Aren’t you?” one of the other seniors Jimin knows says. He’s smaller, looks unassuming, but also terrifying – kind of like the Friday special in the cafeteria, except he’s human.

“You guys are so mean to me,” Jimin whines, and flops down on Hoseok’s bed.

The second thing Jimin learned (quickly) after dance was Hoseok lived down the hall. Therefore, everyone lived down the hall. All of the friends seemed to live on Hoseok.

All of them except one senior, but he has a house. He’s already made the transition into adulthood.

Jeongguk is just trying to conquer laundry.

Which brings him to his struggle. His other roommate.

“What’s new, kook?” asks Hoseok, walking back from the shower. He does this often when they’re visiting. Ignoring them all and going about his daily life, which includes walking around shirtless. It’s frequent. Jeongguk has developed a staring problem.

“Nothing much,” Jeongguk shrugs. “Just the usual. Taehyung stole all my sheets though.”

“Oh right, I think he said he needed sail material,” Jimin adds. Jeongguk doesn’t really get why they indulge Taehyung, but he’s beginning to wonder.

The time he’d almost copped out and brought up how he wasn’t a cabin boy, Jimin shook his head so vigorously at him Jeongguk thought it might fall off. Alarming, to say the least.

“You can sleep in my bed if you need,” Hoseok offers, then laughs, flopping back onto said comfortable looking bed. There is still no shirt and he is very well toned.

“Okay,” Jeongguk says.

“He’s joking, kid,” Namjoon tells him.

“Be nice,” Jimin says and the small scary one laughs.  


ø

  


_Within an egg, there is a life. Within that life, there are more eggs. And more lives. A life within a life within a life._

  


™

  
It doesn’t take a genius to see it.

There are two ‘it’s. The first is difficult.

“You can’t steal everyone’s sheets,” Jimin tries to reason.

“Look, you are in no position to lecture me on the semantics of my operation,” Taehyung is telling him. He’s found himself an eye-patch. The consistency of his hair suggests he hasn't showered in a week and the smell is a give away if Jimin cares to get closes enough. 

Jimin is about two hours away from calling Jae.

The last text from Jae though had been:

From: Jae(n) - (4:42 AM)

**HE’S ALMOST DONE OKAY LET HIM BE FREE DON’T FUCK IT UP BRO  
#CREATION #PIRATES #BESWAG #DONTBEADRAG #brofist**

Calling Jae would be the last resort. Jae has a tendency to enable Taehyung, which might be why it’s been almost three weeks and Taehyung is still a pirate. More specifically, why Taehyung isn’t Taehyung.

He’s ‘Captain Tim the Malignant.’ He refuses to listen to reason, from anyone, and hit Yoongi with a stick when Yoongi called him out on it.

Now, there are no sheets on the beds, and Jimin thinks Taehyung might be trying to make an actual sailboat.

They go to college in a land locked area. The nearest lake is an hour away. The nearest ocean is much farther.

Taehyung has the kind of determination that would win wars. Jimin has reason to be concerned.

Which is why Jimin is extremely happy he has a positive concern to outweigh his worry about his best friend.

Jeongguk has a crush. It is the cutest thing in the world, and Jimin is determined to make it work.

“Jim Jimmy Jim Jim Jim!” explodes into the room. Taehyung swaggers in, swearing mud caked boots and holding an enormous glass bottle of apple juice. “I did it!”

“Shit,” Jimin says, just as Jeongguk walks in from the showers.

“Welcome back, captain,” Jeongguk says, saluting to Taehyung. The safe thing is Jeongguk seems to be completely unaffected by Taehyung and thinks it’s funny; a joke.

Jimin cries for his innocence.

“Aye!” Taehyung salutes him with his apple juice. “Where be yer garments? A man keeps his shirt on his back, lest he lose it to thieves or-“ he giggles “- _pirates_.” The giggles intensify. 

“Are you drunk?” Jeongguk asks, fascinated.

“Aye!”

“He’s just had too much apple juice,” Jimin sighs, and gets up from his paper on economics to drag a giggly Taehyung to bed. “Can you go get Hoseok for me?”

Immediately, Jeongguk is lighting up, smiling and saying, “okay!” before scampering from the room.

Seriously, the cutest crush.

“Unhand me, you rapscallion!”

Jimin lets out a self-pitying sigh. At least Sophomore year is exciting.  


™

  


_There are no stupid questions. There are stupid answers. Watch your words and they will watch you back._

  


Ω

  
Success. It had been a trial, but he’s not ‘The Great Captain Tim’ for nothing. The title took blood, tears, and lots of bad potatoes from the cook. He remembers those the most.

Terrible days.

The doldrums are almost passed, and as he sings shanties to himself to ease his work, slowly his vessel comes together. It’s been a long time since he felt the spray of salt against his face, and it is with accomplishment he seeks out his first mate.

They have work to do yet.

“Are we robbing a bank?” his first mate asks. He’s wearing the spectacles that make him look clever. And handsome. They’re kind of Taehyung’s favorite and he looks both dashing and adorable in them. A little bit like Q from the Bond movies. The new ones, not the old ones where Q wasn’t hot.

Pirates. Right.

“Banks?” Captain Tim says, and laughs. “Aye, your humor hasn’t yet flagged in our time on land.”

“Nope.”

“Aye, a bank would be mighty swag, but our means are not so petty. We have other, greater, goals to accomplish. Greater bounty to acquire.” To his side, he grasps his first mate to him, taking in a deep breath and puffing up his chest.

“Can it wait until my exam is over tomorrow?”

“Aye, we can be delayed for weather, this be true,” he answers, squinting to the sky. “The sky does look daft fierce.”

“Crazy fierce,” his first mate adds.

“Sasha Fierce,” The Great Captain Tim growls with vigor, releasing his first mate. “Aye! We pillage at dusk!”

“Can we eat first?”

“Aye,” he says, conceding to logic. “To the galley.” His first mate steps beside him, ever faithful. He takes out his compass from his pocket, tapping away at the surface, getting his bearings. 

“Jimin and Hoseok and the crew just got done with practice and Namjoon and Troye are finishing up their shit in the studios, want to join them?”

“If the crew wishes to eat together, I can make an appearance. For morale,” he says, nodding. It’s rare that he eats with his crew, but it is always a good move to spend time among them, building trust and maintaining his position among them as their Captain.

He must be respected, and feared. Properly.


	4. Cum Laude

_There are four directions, but only three lights on the traffic signal. Which way are you going?_

  


ø

  
The good thing about having a friend who lives on the same floor is it’s easy to visit them. The bad thing is discovering said friend is also friends with your roommate who _thinks_ they’re a pirate.

So this is what Jeongguk faces. Walking into Hoseok’s shared room with Troye, he finds Hoseok, Taehyung, and Taehyung’s other friend all doing something that looks like it was made for LARP-ing “Um.”

“Avast!” yells Taehyung’s friend, and jumps on Taehyung. Troye is out, probably hanging out with Namjoon and discussing meaningful things. Like globalization or photoshop.

There is a lot to take in. Taehyung is wearing his eye-patch still. So is friend, but Taehyung is holding a notebook threateningly and his friend holding a foam sword. Hoseok is shirtless. Again. Jeongguk thought that he’d become immune to this after a while.

Jeongguk was wrong. This is problematic because Hoseok has a condition.

It’s called being hot. Hoseok is just really hot. Currently, he’s really hot, wearing an eye patch, his hair pushed back, and holding up a badminton racket.

He notices Jeongguk first.

“Jeongguk!”

“I’ll come back later,” Jeongguk says, making to back out of the room. He can come back later. When things are sane. Jeongguk had come to college thinking that it would be about learning with a bit of booze and a some stories to tell the adopted kids one day.

This feels like the extremes, where on one side, there are Namjoon and Yoongi. Jeongguk has never seen them sleep and, as far as he’s concerned, they don’t. 

“No, it’s okay.” Hoseok is smiling. It’s persuasive. “What’s up? I was just reenacting something with Tae and Jae so we could-“

“There be no point in blabbering it about to the entire world,” shouts Taehyung. He’s lain down on the floor, his friend, Jae, casually braiding his hair. “Why not just hoist up a flag? Call all ships to bear down upon us! We will fight!”

“Sure, yeah, okay,” Hoseok says, turning back to Jeongguk’s roommate. Then back. “Want to play? Or did you want something.”

“I didn’t know if you wanted to check out that anime I was telling you about,” Jeongguk says, holding up _Shingeki no Kyojin_. “But-“

“Oh!” Hoseok’s jaw drops along with most of his face in surprise. “Crap, uh-“

“Later?” Jeongguk asks as a loud yell emits from behind Hoseok.

“Yeah, rain check,” Hoseok says, smiling apologetically. “I promise, okay?” He reaches out, warm smile on his face.

Jeongguk has never enjoyed having his hair ruffled so much.  


ø

  


_You only live once. Live fast, die young. Only the good die young. Cats have nine lives that may as well be humanities second and third chances._

  


™

  
In Freshman year, Jimin lived with Taehyung and Kunpimook. It was very exciting. Taehyung made Dean’s List even if Jimin rarely saw him studying. Taehyung also took six classes.

No one took six classes. 

Kunpimook was an _experience_. Kunpimook liked people, which, incidentally, so did Taehyung. Jimin also liked people, but not always. Space was important.

Freshman year was a challenge for Jimin’s sanity and his conception of personal space. Freshman year was an experience in learning how to live with Taehyung, who pledged at all the fraternities for the ‘experience’ before leaving a month later.

They weren’t challenging enough.

The reality behind all of this though is that despite being broadsided by the enigma that is Taehyung, he’s developed into Jimin’s best friend. He’s the person who got Jimin through all his exams when he was struggling, barely breaking a sweat over his own work.

“I’m doing independent research projects,” he’d explained.

Second term, Jimin learned what these were. Taehyung was his established best friend, and Jimin was the one freezing his ass off standing on a frozen lake in early February. It was important to test the _hovercraft_ Taehyung had made for his engineering class for _Juniors_ he decided to take as an _elective_.

And it worked. For about twenty minutes, before crashing through the ice and nearly drowning Jimin and Taehyung. Taehyung had called it an experience and laughed. Jimin had gotten pneumonia.

Somewhere in all of this, Taehyung met Jae, who was, if anything, just as bad. Except worse, because he _enabled_ Taehyung to be a human hurricane.

And Taehyung was mad about him.

“This is gonna be like last year, isn’t it?” Jimin asks, staring at the derby cart that has been outfitted and looks significantly like a pirate ship. It’s three in the morning, and Taehyung is inside the ‘ship’. Jae is lying on the street, cell phone in hand, and wearing one of Taehyung’s huge sweaters.

“Nah,” Jae reassures Jimin, patting his ankle. “Not like last year. Not at _all_.”

“Oh,” says Jimin weakly, looking up as Tae re-emerges from the bowels of the ‘boat’. He’s given up shaving, and facial hair is legitimately terrifying on his baby face.

“It’s gonna be better,” Jae says, and sounds delighted as something from inside the boat sounds like it explodes. “Ah,” says Jae. “That’d be the canons.”

“My only question,” Jimin says, watching as smoke drifts up from the boar. “Is am I going to get to ride this thing before this whole thing crashes and burns?”

“Oh, Hell yeah,” Jae says, nodding up at him pointedly.

“Sweet,” Jimin says. _‘If you can’t fight them, join them’_ was a motto that Jimin learned to adopt early on. It has saved him many times and nearly killed him more. It was usually worth it.  


™

  


_If at first you don’t succeed, hold on, breathe deep, and then start screaming loudly and wildly. It will confuse them._

  


Ω

  
The fresh salt air is welcome against his skin. It’s good to be back, among the waves, rolling over the blackness as the moon and stars guide them.

“Tae, you’re going to crash into a public safety car.”

“Hard to starboard, you scallywags! Band to the britches what use you are abroad my ship,” Taehyung shouts out, hauling at the helm to avoid the rocks off the shoals. The ocean, his first love, can be a tricky temptress.

“Nice,” his first mate calls. “Did you figure out how you’re going to get this into the classroom for your presentation, by the way?”

“I believe a detour would be required,” The Great Captain Tim replies. “A ship isn’t a ship without the sea, after all.”

“True,” his first mate replies. “Can we go home now? I wanted to sleep tonight, and I’m pretty sure your roommates could use a night off.”

“Life has no night off. Life drags on in a dirge towards the end where we all end in Davy Jones’ locker or sucked into the eternal endlessness that our feeble human minds fight to ignore. We, mere mortals, shall suffer the reality that our lives-“

“Yeah, I know, time to dismount.”

“It’s a _ship_ ,” Taehyung corrects, frowning down at Jae, his first mate. “You dismount a horse, not a ship.”

“Fine, disembark?”

“Aye!” Captain Tim barks. “I’ll ‘bout do it!”

“Good pirate,” his first mate says fondly, patting him on the head. “You did well. And then after your presentation-“

“We can take to the seas,” Captain Tim says, reaching and wrapping an arm around his first mate’s shoulders. “Explore until the ends of the earth, reaching out to all the possibilities that she holds. We-“

“Can go to bed for now? I have class tomorrow. So do you,” there is a sharp poke to his belly. “Now! Shiver me timbers, we’re far beyond the realms of sleep! Guide me, Captain! Where be our destination?”

“Aye!” the Great Pirate Captain Tim declares, standing tall in his Buckaneering swag. “We go about… that a-way.”

“Tally ho!”

“This isn’t horses.”

“Set sail?”

“Close enough.”

“Set sail!”

Despite what the myths and legends say, pirates, even the most feared of them, were known for giggling. Sometimes.


	5. $wag

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I must warn you, there is mention fake human sacrifice and practiced real theft. That is all.

_The reality you have is yours. The reality of another’s is theirs. But if your reality is yours and you witness another having a reality that is theirs, who are you?_

  


ø

  
Things were okay. There were jokes. People play jokes. It’s been a month of the same joke but, hey, Jeongguk doesn’t mind. Once he’d gotten over Taehyung’s general disposition and being called _”Cooky”_ with demands for food, it had been funny.

Taehyung was just joking. There have been worse jokes. In many ways, this is better than what he’d heard from Yugyeom about the pledge he had to do for his fraternity.

Jeongguk will take pirate roommate over drunken appeals to the Dean. In drag.

It was all a joke. Then it wasn’t. 

“What happened?” Jeongguk asks. Reality crumbles around him, crashing down. This is it. This is the end. 

Taehyung is standing in the doorway of the room, filthy with mud and dirt, soaking wet (it’s sunny outside. Just consider that). Taehyung also looks _legitimately_ drunk, is holding a shovel, and grinning brightly.

“It is done!” he announces. Then he yells, loudly, happily, in triumph.

“What did you do?” Jeongguk asks his half-crazed looking roommate. “Are you drunk?”

“Yoongi,” Taehyung says, words slurring. He leans to the side perilously. “No longer knows where his alcohol is.” 

“You stole it?” The small intimidating person named Yoongi is _not_ the kind of person Jeongguk would _ever_ steal from.

“I _drank_ it,” Taehyung crows.

“Oh shit.” 

The shovel thuds against the floor. “I buried it,” Taehyung rasps, squinting at Jeongguk as he lilts heavily to the side. “None except me and Davy Jones know where it lies. I'll take my secrets to me watery grave, says I!”

“Did you kill someone?” Jeongguk asks, legitimately worried about the amount of dirt on Taehyung.

“ _I’ve killed many a man in my time,_ ” Taehyung is yelling at the top of his lungs at Jeongguk. _”Tis the life I chose when I took to the sea_.”

There is no other suitable, reaction Jeongguk rationalizes, than to run. Taehyung possibly unbalances as Jeongguk sprints past him. There are more important things to do.

Like barge into Hoseok’s room. 

Hoseok and his roommate, Troye, are sitting on the floor together. They’re playing a video game, and Hoseok looks up as Jeongguk barrels in. He’s wearing a shirt (thank fuck). “What’s up?”

“Hoseok,” Jeongguk says, trying to compose. “I need help.”

“Yeah?” Hoseok asks, perking up from his game. Troye continues to struggle to survive, even in Hoseok’s lack of attention. “What’s up?”

“My roommate,” Jeongguk begins. There is an internal struggle on how to phrase the next part, so Jeongguk stops talking. 

“Which one?” Hoseok frowns. “Jimin?”

“Taehyung.”

“The pirate one?” Troye asks, turning around and letting himself die in the game. Sacrifices.

“I think he actually believes he’s a pirate,” Jeongguk says. 

“Oh, well, yeah,” Hoseok says and smiles. “He does that sometimes.” Despite how weird that is, Hoseok is still smiling when he reaches up and tugs on Jeongguk’s hand. “It’s fine. But if you want, you can chill with us until he calms down?”

“You can distract Hoseok so I can actually _win_ this blasted game,” Troye huffs, shaking his controller.

“Okay,” Jeongguk says, finding no reason to argue. Hoseok still is holding his hand as he pulls him to sit down, nestled to his side. “I’ll try.”

“I promise, you can be very distracting,” Troye says, glancing over at him.

“I can still kick your ass,” Hoseok laughs, shoving his roommate. “I’ve got a lucky charm now.”

Then he laughs, and smiles at Jeongguk, and Jeongguk smiles too.  


ø

  


_Birds of a feather. Peas in a pod. Peas in a pod. Folie a deux. When it’s about humans, it’s never innocent._

  


™

  
Jimin gets back from lunch with Seulgi, it’s to find a (finally) clean Taehyung wrapped up in his bathrobe and reading over his organic chemistry textbook. There is mud everywhere.

“What happened?”

“That be for me to know and you to not be askin’ yer captain questions about,” Taehyung tells him, peering up from his book with a stern look. “Where have ya been?”

“Lunch,” Jimin explains. “I invited you?”

“Aye!” Taehyung yells, and sits up. “I was otherwise preoccupied.”

“Have you seen Jeongguk?” Jimin asks, dropping his bag on his bed. “Or any of my snapbacks? I haven’t been able to find them for weeks and-“ 

There is a knock on the door.

It’s Momo and Yugyeom, two of Jeongguk’s friends. “Have you seen Jeongguk?”

“Aye, me cabin boy be bursting with demand!”

“No,” Jimin says, listening to Taehyung rustle himself up from his nest on the floor. 

They text Jeongguk.

Jeongguk's cellphone vibrates from his desk in the room. They stare.

“He said he was going to drop by to grab something and then-“

“He be with the gents Hoseok and Troye.”

All three of the friends turn to look at Taehyung. Taehyung shrugs. “I had to bury me treasure, and it frightened the boy.”

Jeongguk is, indeed, with Hoseok. Troye answers the door, grins widely, and points to the two in question. Hoseok and Jeongguk are sitting side by side, almost plastered together, trying to slaughter each other in a first person shooter, and yelling about it happily.

“Go, Jeongguk,” Momo stage whispers, grinning at the sight.

Jeongguk manages to kill Hoseok’s player, and Hoseok yells, tackling him to the ground as Jeongguk positively shrieks in laughter.

“They’ve been like this for _hours_ ,” Troye tells them, looking delighted. “I swear, it’s like studying another whole species of boys in love. I have so many pictures on my phone.”

“Blackmail,” Yugyeom says.

“Oh, I’ve been sending them all to Namjoon,” Troye answers. “Can I hang out with you guys though? Because I don’t want to be there if they start making out and my laundry isn't done downstairs.”

“Yeah, sure,” Momo answers, stepping back as Jimin looks into the room at the budding romance. It’s like watching his younger brother finally realizing his emotional capacity.

Except different, because Jimin is pretty sure his actual brother has more game than Jeongguk does. Jeongguk is like a shy Doberman puppy. Jimin has always been a dog person.

No wonder.  


™

  


_Hop on pop. Poop on loop. Clap on. Clap off. The bird is the word. Humans say the darndest things._

  


Ω

  
It had taken hours, but The Great Pirate Captain Tim had finally completed his mission. The ship, his beloved ship, had been taken from him by Davy Jones during a hurricane, and he’d lost a few crew in the struggle.

Thus is the life of a pirate. The ship is beached, and in the mean time, he’s struggled to find a place to store his loot.

A map isn’t needed, and instead all he needed was a shovel, a bit of torchlight, and all of his treasure had been safely tucked away. It lies beneath the earth by the savage cannibals, constantly cooking with their fires and human sacrifices. 

All that’s left is the report, and the burial of the evidence.

“Have you seen my snapbacks?” asks his steward, looking around their tavern room.

“A man is only worth that which he can keep,” Tim answers, looking over from his parchment and pen.

“So no,” his steward sighs. “I just-“ He pauses, straightens slowly from leaning under his bunk, and turns to his captain. He is squinting. “Did you –“

“What a man does in his time, that be his business, and no others,” Captain Tim says, turning back to his work. “Off with ye, I’m busy compiling me accounts.”

“You mean your paper,” his steward grumbles.

In total, the sum of all his booty had come quite well. And of course, the spoils had not been without their frivolity.

“Were you the one that stole all of Jeongguk’s underpants?”

“What business would I have with the cabin boy’s pantaloons?”

“I don’t know, okay, but he kept accusing me of stealing them,” the steward says.

“Well, that be hogs-wash,” Tim laughs, sitting up. “Daft boy. It’s mermaids every time.”

The compiled list is less a list, it’s a map. Which is far more satisfying to draw up. After all, what’s a pirate’s loot without a complicated map with a specific code to decipher in order to acquire said swag of aforementioned scallywag?

It’s sand, that’s what it is.


	6. Make Port, Not Hate

_It’s better to have loved and lost than to have no concept of emotion at all. You are a rock. You have no emotions, only wisdom._

  


ø

  
It had taken a few tries. Then it had worked.

There were a few barriers to cross before they got here. The first was Jeongguk’s nerve to look at Hoseok when he didn’t have a shirt. Hoseok was often shirtless.

He wasn’t now. This was helpful.

The second was learning how to read Hoseok. Hoseok was like a strange complicated engine manual. Written by Taehyung.

Jeongguk, between dance practice and meals and crashing on his floor when Jimin’s girlfriend was visiting, learned. This was also helpful.

The third was finding time. Jeongguk had two clubs – dance and anime appreciation association – and they were time consuming. Interests are like that. Hoseok is busy. Everyone is busy. College is like that. Namjoon and Yoongi don’t sleep due to work. Taehyung doesn’t sleep, but that’s probably out of choice.

Troye and Jimin sleep. Jeongguk would usually use this hour to nap. But instead, he’s made time. Time is about management and planning.

Jeongguk had figured it out. They have time.

They have time for Jeongguk yelling at the computer screen for the seventh time in the last thirty minutes.

“But _Levi_!” Hoseok is laughing at him and Jeongguk is still personally attacked. “They still- _Levi!_ ”

“This is going to ruin the whole movie, isn’t it?” But Hoseok is laughing. They’d made an agreement: watch all of _Shingeki no Kyojin_ and if Hoseok hated it, they’d watch something else.

They’d watched all of the anime. Then Hoseok found out there was a live action movie version of it that Jeongguk hadn't seen (Jeongguk knew, he was just elitist). But Hoseok had suggested they watch it and Jeongguk didn’t want to say no (and as far as anime to film adaptations go, it wasn’t bad). But there is the aspect that they _replaced_ his _favorite character_ and Jeongguk can’t really let that go.

“Hey, hey, c’mere,” Hoseok is cooing, and Jeongguk lets Hoseok pull him back into a hug. “It’s okay. It’s just a movie. Levi is still a character in the anime. And in your heart.” He laughs softly, the sound pushing into Jeongguk’s ear as his hand rests over Jeongguk’s chest. 

It’s easier to watch movies like this, Jeongguk rationalized when Hoseok suggested it. It’s much easier to watch movies lying side by side on Hoseok’s bed, tucked together, and with the computer balanced between them. It’s more comfortable, and Jeongguk tells himself that’s why Hoseok slung his arm around him barely five minutes into the movie and tugged him close.

Hoseok is considerate and making sure he can see the movie.

Even if the movie is a violation against him. They left out _Levi_. It’s an insult. A personal attack. Jeongguk is furious. He can’t let this go. 

“Do you want to watch something else?” Hoseok asks, leaning his head against Jeongguk’s. Comfy. 

“No,” Jeongguk mumbles, settling closer. He’s not pouting (he’s kind of pouting). Tucking his chin to his chest, he sighs, watching as not-Levi does Levi-like things. “No, it’s fine.” He eats another Oreo from the package between them.

“Just focus on Mikasa,” Hoseok reassures. “They screwed up Levi, but made Mikasa super hot. So, you know, you win some, you lose some.”

Now Jeongguk is pouting, tucking down into the blankets. “She’s not _that_ hot.” Jealousy is a lion in Jeongguk’s Colosseum of feelings. It roars.

So what if Jeongguk is a poor college student who can’t afford to ask Hoseok out on a real date? So what if he has no idea if Hoseok would say yes? 

“She kind of is,” Hoseok laughs, and rolls over laughing to wrap his arms around Jeongguk. Jeongguk decides to be offended still though. Right up until he feels Hoseok’s mouth press against the side of his head. “Don’t take it personally.”

“Oh,” Jeongguk says. Hoseok just kissed him on the head and told him not to take it personally. “Okay.” Then Hoseok reaches down, and takes his hand.

But what does it mean?

“Want another Oreo?” Hoseok asks. His thumb rubs over the back of Jeongguk’s hand. It feels nice.

“What are you doing?”

“Asking if you want an Oreo. It’s an essential question.” Jeongguk shakes their conjoined hands in emphasis. “Oh,” says Hoseok, and then is silent. What does that _mean?_ “I mean, I figured we were going broke college student chic and doing one of those Netflix and cup ramen dates.”

“Oh,” says Jeongguk. So that’s what it means. Suddenly, the movie is a whole lot better. Jeongguk doesn’t blush. Levi doesn’t blush. Jeongguk just smiles and looks at Hoseok, who is smiling with his whole body. “Okay.”

In the immortal words of Busta Rhymes, Jeongguk looks at Hoseok and says, “I’m cool with that.”  


ø

  


_“Veni, vidi, vici,” was great until “alea iacta est” was followed with “hoc voluerunt” and the “et tu, Brute”. In short, karma’s a bitch._

  


™

  
No one can judge him. It’s not his fault that Troye had texted him, called him, knocked on his door, and then just barged in and ripped his headphones off excitedly.

“It’s happening.” Troye didn’t need to elaborate.

It’s being protective, supportive, and responsible.

“Dude,” Namjoon says, leaning against the hallway wall. “Give them some damn privacy. You both know that they’re not going to be done for a while.”

“I have a reason to be invested in this, my computer is still in there,” Troye protests. He’s seated on the floor, back to the wall, phone in hands.

“Just go and get it then,” Namjoon says, and peeks into the room through the crack in the door Jimin has been guarding. “They won’t even notice. They’re too busy feeling each other up.”

“Jeongguk is a _baby_ ,” Jimin hisses in protest, frowning. “They’re in a fragile state.”

“Doesn’t mean he hasn’t asked me for porn,” Namjoon shrugs.

“I’m just saying there’s a reason Hoseok never wears a shirt,” Troye adds, looking up with sass. 

“But this is like their first date,” Jimin reminds, tone firm. This is serious. He’s talked with Jeongguk. Jeongguk’s idea of a dating when Jimin had asked him was to look at him in wide eyed confusion. He’s _pure_. “Jeongguk is _pure._ "

Namjoon snorts into laughter at the exact moment Hoseok laughs loudly. Jimin glares. They’re trying to be subtle. “Pure,” Namjoon repeats. “You’re hilarious.”

“I’m being a good friend,” Jimin states. “In case something happens, and one of them has to be rescued.”

“Whatever,” Troye sighs, pushing himself up. “I’m getting my computer, whether their date suffers or not.”

“You lot! What is this loitering? Decks have to be swabbed!”

“Jeongguk and Hoseok are watching the Shingeki no Kyojin live action,” Namjoon explains as Troye wrestles Jimin out of the way.

“This is a beautiful moment!” Jimin hisses as Troye pulls open the door fully. “We have to-“

“Are you serious? Cows, I love that show!”

And then Taehyung remembered he wasn’t a pirate and broke a door. 

Sophomore years isn't like Freshman year. It’s like Freshman year had a baby with Yoongi’s sleep deprivation and married the last time Jackson hosted a house party.

In short: Charlie Sheen’s hotel room the morning after is exactly what Sophomore year is turning out to be.

“You tried,” Namjoon shrugs, patting Jimin on the shoulder.

“I tried,” Jimin tries to reassure himself.  


™

  


_At the end of all things, everything is math._

  


Ω

  
They were under attack. As soon as he’d seen their stronghold had been broken, the door open and the absence of his crew, The Great Pirate Captain Tim the Terrible knew.

They were under attack.

Looking around, he finds his crew, washed up and bedraggled off the shoals. They are lost, struggling, and his steward looks the most concerned. The others are less concerned, but the quartermaster seems intent on a new plan.

They can find a new ship. Their captain will not let them down.

“You lot! What is this loitering? Decks have to be swabbed!” Tim the Terrible growls, prowling towards his crew. The other cabin boy tries to break into the other tavern, pushing at his steward. 

“Jeongguk and Hoseok are watching the Shingeki no Kyojin live action,” his quartermaster reports and-

Wait, holy shit?

“Are you serious?” The majority of Taehyung’s freshman year had been involved in that show. There is no greater love or nostalgia than reliving marathons of watching Shingeki no Kyojin in the library viewing rooms with Jae. They used to steal from the vending machine near the bathrooms whenever Jackson had to restock it and forgot to lock it _properly_. There are no words for his excitement.

Nothing else matters. Shingeki no Kyojin is happening. _Nothing_ else matters.

“Cows!” Taehyung shouts, rushing the door. “I _love_ that show.” Levi is his soul child. Jae argues that Mikasa is the best, but Taehyung knows deep down inside Jae is confused. Love means forgiveness and understanding.

With a great feat of strength, he manages to get around Namjoon and open the door. Taehyung becomes a Titan when it comes to this show. That’s why the door breaks.

Obviously.

“Did you just break my door?” Troye looks offended. Whoops.

“Oh my God,” Taehyung gasps, taking in the snuggled forms of Jeongguk and Hoseok on Hoseok’s bunk. They stare at him, frozen, and Jeongguk is blushing. Hoseok’s hand looks dangerously close to being up his shirt and there are _Oreos_ on his lap.

“Um,” Hoseok says.

“Hi,” says Jeongguk.

“Are those _Oreos?_ ” Taehyung needs to be involved in this. Taehyung involves himself with this, bounding onto the bed. College beds can take at least seven people. Taehyung tested it last year with the synchronized swimming team.

“They’re Hoseok’s,” Jeongguk answers while Hoseok yelps as his computer wobbles. “We're not-“

“Hold on, can you pause the movie?” Taehyung asks, pulling out his phone. He’d forgotten he’d duct taped it out of use during his project. The words _**NO PIRATE HAS CELLULAR KNOWLEDGE**_ are scrawled on the neon green duct tape. 

“No,” Jeongguk says. Hoseok is a saint, who sighs, and pauses just as someone is bitten in half. Such a sweet movie.

“We were planning on-“

“You should have _told_ me you were having a movie night,” Taehyung scolds, ripping off the duct tape. Jimin and Namjoon have wandered into the room. “Hold on, let me just text Jae. He _loves_ this movie.”

“Does that makes this a double date?” Hoseok laughs, arm around Jeongguk. Jeongguk is doing one of the best impersonations of Levi Taehyung has ever seen. 

“Only if the Oreos are double stuffed,” Taehyung says, tongue between teeth. Frowning in concentration as he sifts through his language keyboards.

“Why don’t you just get double stuffed?” grumbles Jeongguk. A second later, Namjoon explodes into laughter.

 **to JAE-Z:** 直ぐに来て！進撃の巨人！早く！早く！早く！

“Namjoon!” Jimin is screaming.

 **from JAE-Z:** どこ？

 **to JAE-Z:** ホビーで。オレオある。もう質問ダメ！走る！

“What? They set themselves up for that one!” Namjoon is yelling. There are four Oreo’s in Taehyung’s mouth. It’s been _years_ since he had these. Since he became a pirate. “And you called Jeongguk innocent.”

“Shut up, I’m eighteen. I know all that I need to know,” Jeongguk teenagers at them.

 **from JAE-Z:** 眠たい〜〜

“Nice,” says Hoseok.

 **to JAE-Z:** ダメ！オレオと進撃の巨人！！！！！！！！！ここに行って、ナップいい？

“He’ll be here in like fifteen,” Tae announces, grinning as he shoves Hoseok over. It pushes him onto Jeongguk. Neither of them should complain, Taehyung is doing them a favor. “Before you can say _ce monde est cruel Mais il est a la fois tres beau._ ”

“What the Hell does that mean?” Jeongguk asks, peering over Hoseok’s chest at Taehyung.

“You probably don’t want to know,” Hoseok consoles him. “Oreo?”

 **from JAE-Z:** O. K. 

All is well as ends well in a world where they be little but actors on the stage of life, and one man plays his part in the rotating mask of the slip between reality and fantasy. 

After all, you are reading fanfiction.

  
  


π

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Julius Ceasar quotes:**  
>  "Veni, vidi, vici" = _I came, I saw, I conquered._  
>  "Alea iacta est" = _The die has been cast._  
>  "Hoc voluerunt" = _They wanted this._  
>  "Et, tu, Brute" = _and you, Brutus?_  
>   
>   
>  **Taehyung and Jae's conversation is thus:**
> 
> TAEYONCE: _"Come right the fuck now! Shingeki no Kyojin!! HYURRY HURRY HURRY!!!!"_
> 
> JAE-Z: _"where?"_
> 
> TAEYONCE: _"Hobi's. There are OREOS. NO MORE QUESTIONS. RUN!"_
> 
> JAE-Z: _"but i want to sleep~~"_
> 
> TAEYONCE: _"IMPOSSIBLE!! OREOS AND SHINGEKI NO KYOJIN!!!!!!!!!!! once you get here tho, you can nap?"_
> 
> JAE-Z: _O.K._  
>   
> 
>  _ce monde est cruel Mais il est a la fois tres beau._ = "The world is a cruel but beautiful place." - Mikasa


End file.
